Lesson Three
What is Dating?
When thinking of dating, you mostly likely could come up with an extensive list of what a date should be and who you would date and who you would not. We’ve done the same thing. But what exactly is dating? In this lesson we discuss the importance of understanding what dating is and what it should look like.
“Everybody knows the pressure of a first date: Searching for that perfect outfit. Hunting for ways to be engaging. Dissecting each detail when it's over to check for mistakes. Dating can make even the most confident person lose his cool” (5).
Defining Dating
Researchers are interested and a bit nervous about the impact the hook-up culture has on dating practices. Many women on college campuses were surveyed in recent years and results indicated that “traditional” dating was practically nonexistent on their campuses. Women seem to rarely get asked out on dates anymore. One woman stated, “People don’t date here . . . if you wanted to go . . . out to dinner with a guy . . . you would probably [already] be dating that guy” (4). Our question is, how does one find someone to date if no one is going on dates anymore? People don’t know how to date any more than they know how to define what a date is.
Let’s start simple. A date is an activity that allows two people to get to know each other better. However, there are three additional requirements for an activity to be considered a date: A date must be planned, it must be paid for, and the couple should be paired off (2). These three requirements are important aspects of a date because they show that you are intentional.
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When a date is planned, it shows your date that you care about them and their interests. It also shows that you are willing to put in the effort to get to know them. When a date is paid for, it shows that you are able to provide and properly look after your date. Also, deciding who is paying before the date clears up any confusion and avoid any misunderstanding. Pairing off as a couple also helps to avoid disappointment. When it is unclear who is going on a date with whom, feelings tend to get hurt.
Benefits of Dating
Going on dates encourages you to communicate.
Communication is essential while on a date because you can’t get to know someone if you don’t talk to them. Going on a date deepens your understanding of the other person as you mutually disclose personal experiences (3). Communicating allows you to build a mutual friendship which is the basis of a good relationship.
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Questions to Consider
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What are some other reasons why a date should be planned, paid for, and paired off?
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Does dating exist at all within the hookup culture?
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How can dating influence formation of good relationships?
Dating helps you gain experience and an understanding of who you are.
When you go on dates you gain experience building relationships with others. You learn what you like and dislike in potential dating partners and you learn how to navigate relationships with that experience and knowledge.
Dating helps you be more social with others.
Going on dates with others helps you to learn how to socially interact. The more you date the more comfortable you will feel socializing with others (1).
Why is this good dating?
Did you see the three elements of a date in this story? The date first of all was planned. Bonnie and her best friend decided beforehand what they wanted to do with their dates: have a picnic and a finger-painting contest. Then Bonnie and her friend bought the materials they would need for the finger-painting and they both paid for the Happy Meals for themselves and for their dates, while on the date, therefore, making it paid for.. And while the third element might be hard to decipher, the date was in fact paired off. Even though it was a group date, it was clear who was going on a date with who. Bonnie was paired off with her date and Bonnie’s best friend was paired off with her date. They did the finger-painting activity in pairs.
Questions to Consider
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How do you think dating can benefit your life?
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What are some good dating experiences you have had and what made them good experiences?
Date Ideas
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Go on a picnic in a nearby park
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Go roller skating or ice skating
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Go out for ice cream
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Have a paint night
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Make cookies together
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Host a game night with another couple
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Go bowling
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Play laser tag at a nearby arcade
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Go on a hike
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Go to a musical
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Make pizza together at home
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Play snapchat hide and seek
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What Good Dating Looks Like
Something I (Bonnie) loved about college was the various dates I got to go on. One of my favorite dates was one I went on with my now husband. My best friend and I decided to plan this particular date because the guys always planned the dates and we wanted to change it up a bit. (Guys don’t always have to do the asking you know. We even went the extra mile and asked them out in person.)
We were so excited to go on this date! My friend and I thought it would be fun to plan a date with activities we used to do as children. We decided that on the date we would first have a picnic in the park and then have a finger-painting contest. On the day of the date, we all got together, grabbed Happy Meals at McDonalds and had a picnic at a nearby park.
For the finger-painting competition, we determined that the couple that could make the best painting would win and get the props of being the better finger painters. Let’s just say my husband and I won the paint competition, but we ended up having a paint war. We were all covered in paint at the end of the date. We all laughed and had the best time ever. That date will always be one I remember.
Conclusion
Now that we understand what dating is and what it looks like, we encourage you to go on a date yourself and tell us all about it in the comments below. Take the things you have learned from this lesson about what a date is and try to apply it to your next date. We know you will have a great time and learn more about how beneficial dating really is. We hope to hear from you!
References
1. Durston, J., Cummins, B., & Mailbox Club. (n.d.). Lesson 7: Dating-the Benefits and Dangers. Retrieved from http://ubdavid.org/youth-world/understanding-true-love/understanding-true-love7.html
2. Oaks, D. H. (2005, May 01). Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng
3. Why "Date Nights" Matter. (2019). Retrieved from http://www.foryourmarriage.org/blogs/why-date-nights-matter/
4. http://www.americanvalues.org/catalog/pdfs/hookingup.pdf
5. Wise Old Sayings. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.wiseoldsayings.com/dating-quotes/